“Nice guy/girl behavior may look good on paper, but in reality it has a pretty ugly face. In order to grasp this, consider that the nice guy syndrome fundamentally means people pleasing behavior. As a consequence:
- Nice guys/girls come off as needy and insecure;
- Nice guys/girls are generic and predictable, so it’s hard for them to create a spark;
- Nice guys/girls end up ignoring their own needs and not taking care of themselves;
- Nice guys/girls end up not being there for the people who really matter, because they try to please everybody;
- Nice guys/girls are full of repressed rage and they tend to erupt at the most inappropriate times;
- Nice guys/girls lie, hide and they try to get what they want in indirect, manipulative ways.
From there, all hell breaks loose.” – From www.peopleskillsdecoded.com
Have you wonder why so many nice guys/girls are attracted to jerks?
As I wrote nice guys and girls do finish last, I promised to fill you in on why Jerks always win and nice guys and girls usually finish last. I was also fascinated to know why this is the case. My social circle is full of these “nice guys and girls” who deserves to be treated better. It all starts well and end up badly. For some reason, majority of these “nice guys and girls” are attracted to jerks and “will do” just about anything for them.
Here are the findings:
1. Jerks allow people to enjoy the gift of giving to them for a change! This is the complete opposite of nice guy/girl. Jerks enjoy receiving gifts to love you to name it and they gladly make other party enjoy giving. This trait is so fascinating since we are taught to be nice by giving and loving the other party unconditionally.
2. Jerks have the Minimum/Maximum Theory, which means;
“Giving the maximum gets you the minimum and giving the minimum gets you the maximum.”
A scientific research study was completed on the life span of rats comparable to their food in-take. By cutting the food supply of the one group of rats in half, they were able to double their life span. Therefore, a popular saying in the health field toward people who like to eat which states:
“If you like to eat a lot, then eat a little so that you are alive long enough to eat a lot.”
Hence, jerks apply the theory of;
“If you like to give in relationships then give a little, so that you are around long enough in the relationship to give a lot!”
3. Jerks give on an infrequent, unpredictable basis so that nobody EXPECTS it from them. Jerks know that give too often it will go unrecognized and unappreciated because jerks have fallen into the trap of being routine. Jerks avoid this trap includes being spontaneous, adventurous and unpredictable, which will cause great emotional highs in the girl jerks are interested in. This trait will make the girl addicted to the jerks.
4. Jerks give only to people that not only strongly need what they have to offer, but more importantly APPRECIATE WHATEVER EFFORT they put in and recognize that jerks really went out of their way. If jerks are with some girl that does not appreciate them, jerks have no problems with walking away from it. Jerks quit throwing good time, effort and energy after bad. Instinctively, jerks knows the fact that there are around 3,000,000,000 (3 Billion) women on this planet and most of them will never even have the opportunity to meet jerks personally. Therefore, jerks are not receiving the level of appreciation that they think they deserve from the girl they are with, they believe it is their own fault. Jerks simply walks away and look for another girl who appreciates them fully.
5. Jerks are not nice. This behavior of the jerks includes;
- Jerks express more, even when they may upset someone;
- Jerks asking for what they want and saying ‘no’ to others;
- Jerks are selfish in that more time is spent on themselves and taking care of their own needs first;
- Jerks knows if they are not getting what they deserve which go nowhere in a relationship, they simply walks away. This is so hard for nice guys/girls because they live life in scarcity mentality. Jerks live in the paradigm of abundance mentality.
Being nice is not authentic. We are not perfect and it is okay to have flaws. Understand this fact and express your true self. We are born to live in this chaotic world. Understand the true meaning of being nice versus having a trait that will allow you to get promoted in your job to having successful relationship with your loved ones. -SjC