I would like to share a story. One night I was coming home from Prime Stache Restaurant (http://www.primestache.com), and stopped at a local gas station to pick up a few items that I needed. As I was coming back out I could feel that something was weird and looked up and saw this man walking up to me. This man smelled like he stepped in some manure mixed with alcohol. Before he opened his mouth I could tell that he wanted something from me. I wasn’t sure what, did he want to hurt me, did he want to rob me, what did he want from me. I had no idea. I said “Sir, are you lost? What do you need?” He said that he needed some money, which I replied “No” and hopped in my car and left. I actually had some change left over in my pocket, but I was so turned off by his rancid smell and the way he wanted something from me turned me off and I left the premise immediately.
Next night, Ironically, I was coming home from Center City Philadelphia and once again I stopped at local convenient store to pick up few things before heading home. As I was coming back out, this well dress man came up to me for directions. He seemed friendly enough and looked like he was some sort of business man. After I gave him the directions he was looking for, he thanked me heartily and made few jokes about the store (Wawa and the duck logo) and he was about to leave. As he was leaving, he checked his pocket and realized he has no money for Septa Transit system. He seemed panicky and asked me if I had some spare change. Noticing he was in a tight spot, I gave him few bucks I had in my pocket. To make this long story short, later I found out, this well dress man was a homeless man in Philly.
What is going on here?
Why did give this homeless man some money and yet, I was turned off by first homeless man in the gas station?
This is a common story and something we all experience in life. And the true story is something everyone experiences from both sides of the interaction. When we are in the vicinity of someone that wants something, without even seeing the person we can feel that wanting. We may not know what that is but it usually can invoke feelings of anger, guilt or fear in the person who is around the person that is wanting.
The biggest lesson to learn from this is that wanting something from someone else pushes them away and it’s only human nature. Maybe it is the fear of our own insecurities or vulnerability of what it means to be human. Analysis aside, it is what it is.
We have to be a value giver in life. Any social interaction, we must able to understand that people are drawn to a person who is a value givers. My homeless man example illustrates, if you want something from someone, you must first able to take care of yourself. Yes, even homeless man, you must first take care of yourself in order to get some money from people. The second homeless man was joking around, making people smile and when he asked for few change, people will have no problems in giving him the money.
So the principal of socializing is to not want anything from the other person. The biggest thing that usually holds a person back is wanting approval. Wanting approval from someone else is a trap. The only approval you’ll get is from yourself. When you learn to like yourself you’ll find that others like you as well.
Though you may think it comes from the other person, don’t be fooled. It comes from within. Now certainly some people will be attracted to a person that wants approval but it’s usually people who want approval themselves or parasites that feed off of that weak energy. By parasites I mean people who pretend to be your friend so that they can get something from you. Human nature is what it is.
Through training your ability to be satisfied in life, to accept the ups and downs, the yes’s as well as the no’s, you’ll become much more adapt at the power of influence.
You’ll find things become easier in life, people tend to enjoy being around you. During job interviews, you’ll stand out. If you wait tables, your tips increase. There’s power in not wanting but don’t be mistaken, it all starts from within and really has nothing to do with the exterior world. It’s merely a reflection.
Be excellent at something. Be a value giver. Do the marathons, do the body-building shows, write an e-book. Whatever it is, if you are passionate about something, you will be able to give and teach someone something excellent. People are drawn to people who give a value to them. It is the universal law of the mankind. -SjC