Excerpts: Advice from Failure
“The single relationship truly central and crucial in life is the relationship to the self. It is rewarding to find someone whom you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as an acceptable. It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things for you cannot live in someone else. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave. To the problem of your life, you are the solution.”
– Jo Coudert
A growing number of girls and young women say they are unhappy with the way they look and more 16- to 28-year-olds feel less positive about life generally, a report by the charity Girlguiding has suggested. The overall proportion of those surveyed who were not happy with their looks rose to 33% this year, from 29% last year and 26% two years ago. The 63% happy with how they look has fallen from 73% two years ago to 63% now At ages 14 to 16, 51% of girls are unhappy with their appearance, and even after that age, 52% are still unhappy. High levels of criticism and judgment of celebrities in the media have an impact, with more than seven in 10 of those aged 11 to 21 saying pictures that “shame” celebrities make them anxious about the way they look. The report says that some girls, influenced by the media and advertising, are spending substantial sums on beauty products. Among 11- to 16-year-olds, nearly eight in 10 say they shave or wax their legs, more than six in 10 wear make-up to school and four in 10 shave or wax their bikini line and/or wear a padded bra.
Another trend of developing low self-esteem for American men and women are our frequent use of social media such as Facebook. Psychology researcher Soraya Mehdizadeh has discovered a way to poke through the offline-online curtain: she has used Facebook to predict a person’s level of narcissism and self-esteem. She says, “If individuals with lower self-esteem are more prone to using Facebook,” she says, “the question becomes, ‘Can Facebook help raise self-esteem by allowing patients to talk to each other and help each other in a socially interactive environment?’ I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing that people with low self-esteem use Facebook.”
Moreover, After measuring each subject using the Narcissism Personality Inventory and Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, Mehdizadeh, who graduated from New York University this past spring, discovered narcissists and people with lower self-esteem were more likely to spend more than an hour a day on Facebook and were more prone to post self-promotional photos (striking a pose or using Photoshop, for example). Narcissists were also more likely to showcase themselves through status updates (using phrases like “I’m so glamorous I bleed glitter”) and wall activity (posting self-serving links like “My Celebrity Look-alikes”). Worse case scenario, frequent updates throughout the day including selfies to pictures or videos of themselves in the clubs, bars, and even meals they are about to eat are prevalent amongst narcissists, low self-esteem people. The question remains, what is considered healthy or normal social media activities?
Have you wonder sometimes why some people cannot take either criticism or well-deserved complements?
Have you also wondered why some people with Hollywood fame and money cannot love themselves?
Why do they feel they are living the life of fraud and hide behind drugs and alcohol?
Do you spend 4 hours or more each day on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and other social media?
After finishing a book called, The six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden, I am sharing some golden nuggets.
Here are the list:
1. Living consciously – Respects facts, pays attention to what need attention, and is open to information (even if critical).
2. Self-acceptance– Taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
3. Self-responsibility – The avoidance of blaming other people or circumstances for your choices and actions.
4. Self-assertive– Standing up for who you are and what you stand for.
5. Living purposely– Choosing and pursuing goals.
6. Personal integrity– Telling the truth, honoring commitments, and being fair with others.
1. Dishonesty leads us away from knowing who we are.
2. Dishonesty often becomes a way of life.
3. As we struggle to put our world together, dishonesty often leads us into conflict.
4. Our attempts to manipulate, even when our motives were good, have deprived us of a simple way of life.
- When we are dishonest with ourselves, we often lie about our feelings, we cover up for others in our life, we made excuses to ourselves and others which we knew weren’t true.
- Often our dishonesty is directly related to fear — our fear of other people knowing us, knowing what is really going on inside of us. Sometimes dishonesty is directly related to our selfishness. In order to get what we want, we often manipulate and deceive those around us.
- Perhaps the most serious form of dishonesty, and the one that eventually destroys us, is self-delusion. This dishonesty occurs when we think we are being sincere, but we have an understanding of the situation without really talking it out with anyone else. This unrealistic approach often leads us to grandiose behavior of trying to influence things in our lives, and others’ lives, that we cannot control.
- This attitude can also lead to a point which we seriously under-estimate our own worth and ability to change. If we are not open to others and allow them to see us as we are, we can be caught in a the dishonesty of self-delusion.
Mantra to live by:
1. I tell myself the truth.
2. I am currently paying attention to what needs attention.
3. I am open to new ideas.
4. I understand I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings and actions.
5. I do not blame others for my actions.
6. I stand up for myself.
7. I have goals. I am actively pursuing it NOW.
8. I honor commitments.
9. I am fair with others.
10. I am grateful that I am breathing, learning, and living on this earth. I am thankful for my family, my friends, and even my enemies.
Fight Club’s helpful Tyler Durden’s motto below:
Are you a fraud? What do you live for? What did you see yourself in the past, present and the future? What are your feelings on your life thus far? Do you get upset when someone talks about you? If you said, “YES” to any of these questions or have self-doubt answers, then it is time to re-evaluate your goals in life so that you can totally LOVE yourself to raise your self-esteem. Why? To live happily ever after! -SjC