Have you heard of this phrase, “I am a real nice guy/girl and I treat everyone like a king/queen but I always get stepped on or being taken advantage of?” Is this applies to you? I have seen many of my friends who treat their woman like a princess often get stepped on as if they are some sort of nuisance. Eventually, 9 out of 10 times, the relationships doesn’t work out and essentially the girl leaves the guy out of pure boredom or the guy literally takes advantage of the girl who then gets hurt in the process. This Nice guy syndrome also happened to me recently where I thought I was doing the right thing but an individual literally blamed everything on me for the misery she went through, read it here.
The “Nice Girl” or “Nice Guy” Syndrome
- The “Nice Girl” is someone who believes that she should go out of her way to always be sweet, nice, generous, and understanding, no matter what the circumstances.
- Nice girls don’t draw boundaries, they don’t stand up for themselves, and they don’t say “no very often.
- Usually Nice Girls harbor a secret belief: That they’re better than everyone else because they’re so “nice”
Nothing could be further from the truth … when you’re being nice in order to get something back, you’re being manipulative.
Do you also have ongoing mental chatter below?
- Worries of what others may think about you
- Figuring out how to get approval and recognition
- Imagined negative outcomes of situations
- The emotions of fear, anxiety, and nervousness
- Conflicts between physical/logical/ and emotional needs
- Conflicts between past/present/future time frames
Another mistake that nice people make is not accepting things as they are. Brett Favre’s favorite quote, “It is what it is!” Accept it and move on …
Reinhold Niebuhr’s Classic Quote
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”
Letting things that are beyond your control frustrate you, victimize you, upset you, and make you mad; it controls your thoughts and emotions. By accepting everything as it is, you make yourself powerful and free of mental chatter listed above.
In order to defeat this syndrome for women, you must:
- You must set boundaries and you MUST able to say, “NO” if the boundaries are broken.
- You must be REAL. You must be authentic and being honest to yourself what you like and dislike. Don’t pretend.
- Nice girls secretly compete with other girls in terms of looks, possession or how they have that perfect boyfriend, etc. It is most toxic because just look up the divorce rates in this country or how often people break up.
- How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel like you are up to par with other girls? Are you the type always competing with other girls? I see tons of girls on Facebook flaunting their current boyfriend or husband as if they are bragging. The reality of the matter is, this is all an illusion. No one has that, “Perfect” life. Don’t get disillusioned thinking all of them have that, “perfect” life and being depressed about it since you may not have anyone, yet.
- Welcome your alone time and embrace it. You don’t need to go crazy going out every night and have to meet a new boy-friend because you feel lonely. Learn new skills or hit the gym and improve yourself. Everywhere you go should be the place to meet new people, socialize, not some bars or online dating web sites looking like boy-crazy desperate girl.
In order to defeat this syndrome for men:
Men, ask you this question right now. What is that you really want for yourself and your life?
- Finding what you really want for your life and for yourself is about, “Finding yourself”, “Choosing your own path”, and “living consciously”. It is about figuring out who you are and how you fit into your world.
- Shift your awareness into your own body (Centering), becoming aware of yourself and your surroundings, and then operating from that perspective. It is a way of going inside and becoming grounded.
- You are the center (Being the Center) is about moving women from the center of your universe to an interesting part of your universe. It is about becoming so interesting and attractive that women make you the center of their universe.
Read my other article on how to be a real man, here.
Stay tuned for “Why jerks usually win” because it is a very fascinating saga and we can all learn from it. -SjC