Let me share a text I received from a female friend I met in the gym:
“I didn’t realize you had a side gig as a writer on the website. I thought you were all cute gym rat/fitness junky, but apparently not. The things I am learning … I am only a little bit scared.”
Who are you? What do you do? What is your passion? Are you an interesting person? If you saw yourself would you say: “Man, I really want to get to know that guy?” Spice up your life by doing. The only thing is, don’t do things just because it may look attractive to women. I see many guys including my social circle, they sign up to do Tough Mudder, Half a Marathon, or some silly competition they hate because it may win some bonus points to the girls they are interested in. This will just make you stressed and hurt your energy. Do something that you’re truly interested in now.
Do you like mixed martial art class? Do it. Always wanted to take that salsa dance lessons? Do it. Always think it would be fun to try standup comedy? Sign up for an open mic in Helium Comedy Club in Philly. Bomb it for the fun of it. Just do something that will enhance your life with one or two things.
Remember that accomplishing goals is usually directly impacted by how important the goal is to you. If the reason is significant enough, your mind will allow yourself to be confident.
Some of the traits of real man defined by many cultures include:
2. Taking chances
3. Dominant but not overbearing
5. Setbacks are used to gain more strength
6. Fear is the greatest motivator by facing it and using it to gain more confidence
Another action you can do right now to gain more confidence is to change your physiology into the congruent physiology of a confident person. More accurately, a confident MAN. That means actually forcing your body to do all the things a confident MAN would.
Hold your head up high. Put your shoulders back. And now, relax every muscle and take 30 SLOW, DEEP, BREATHS. Take a look at this article about gaining confidence through posture and power pose here.
Do you speak in a meek voice? Your voice will affect your own self-concept as well as how others see you. LOWER your octave to a more masculine level and speak clearer. Stop listening to sad music NOW. Watch how it changes your mood.
Get off your favorite XBOX 360 or PC games and actually DO something in real life not in some virtual world. Get rid of your online dating profile then actually meet someone in real life, not sitting behind the keyboard and becoming a professional keyboard jockey.
JUST Do something in real life to gain real life experience points so that you gain that unstoppable confidence that we all crave.
You are your worst critic, so stop thinking lowly of yourself and to defeat your worst critic, you MUST start doing something to be skillful. Why? More confidence will land you a better job, it will lead to better social life, and it will get you to places you never thought of.
Movie buffs out there, as Napoleon Dynamite said, “girls want guys with skills”.
The elusive confidence comes and goes. Just keep on doing it and enjoy the mad skillz you are building. Dude, keep on doing it, hear me? -SjC